Nipple Nuts

posted Jun 19, 2013, 7:44 PM by Lucy Lue


I know, I know, it's been some time.  Well, a longggggg time.  But, not a lot to tell really, till now, and then, still, not a lot to tell, but I am telling it.

Once again, I had to have another operation. Removed another nipple.  Down to about six left, so far.  I am fast running out of nipples.  My Poor Monkey only has two!  Unlucky bastard.  My Monkey has nipples and he can't even make milk.  Bit of wasted skin, if you ask me.  Hairless monkeys are such silly creatures.

Anyhow, less nipples, sameo' sameo'.

New thing of late, My Monkey has taken to screeching into sticks and making the screeching play back.  He calls the sticks Microphone or Mic.  I mean, who in their right mind names a stick??  A stick!  He keeps giving these Mic's oral tests, and they seem to keep failing. I hear him, "Test, Test, Test 1 2" and the Mics never seem to pass the test.  I guess these sticks are stupid my Stupid Monkey, STICKS CAN'T THINK! Stupid Monkey.

So watching My Monkey giving tests to sticks he calls Mic, is hilarious.  Doesn't get any better than this!  I really do have some entertaining pets.

Thats it for now.
Later Biatchs.
Queen Lucy out.

A Years Gone and I am Still Home.

posted Sep 19, 2012, 4:33 AM by Lucy Lue

Hello Biatches.

Over a year since I have been on here. Time does go faster as you get older. I said, "you get older", not I !

Anywhooo, A lot has happened since I was last on here. Got sick, had two big operations. One removed some internal plumbing to save my life and the other a lump in my chest, to also save my life.

No matter what life throws at me, balls, cats, tumours, nothing is going to get me to back down!! I am, as all ways, Queen Lucy. Your King...sorry, Queen. Ruler of you all. Top Dog. Head Huncho'. The Big Cheese..... hmmmmmm cheese.......

Well, you get the picture. Well some of you might, the rest, just ignorant fools and cats. Best be assured, I still have your best interests in mind, under my rule, as your Queen.

What else to tell?? Well, not too long ago I got lost in a mysterious fog, for eight hours, at some strange house and some Male Monkey in a white mobile kennel returned me to My Monkey's cave. That was an interesting event. The Male Monkey put a rope around my neck. Around my neck! The nerve of some monkeys. I will not forget this transgression lightly. He shall be made to pay.

Not had lots of visitors lately. Though one dog did follow I and My Monkey home to our cave. This other beastie stole my dinner bowl. Horrible little male twerp dog it was. 

As to other things, I will tell you more later. This is all for now. Have to go and pretend to be "The Dog". My monkey has returned and I don't want it to see me on it's computer. It gets upset about it for some reason. Ignorant fool it is sometimes. Best let it think it is in charge. I get better food that way.

So, bye for now
I am out
Your Queen, Lucy. 

Dog Gone! Dog Gone?

posted Mar 23, 2011, 3:02 PM by Lucy Lue

Hello my Biatches and lowly males,

Four days now, and the male has not come back.  I waited and waited.  As soon as My Stupid Monkey stopped putting my food outside to feed me, the hot blue eye Border Collie Cross Lowly Male did not come back. Typical!  All the lowly males want is food and mating.  I took all the cutlery, plates and bowls I could, so as to move house with that chump! Dog Damn IT.

That is total dog's bollocks!  I think I shall take this out on some low life, scum sucking, bird killing cats.  Look out pussy's.  Here I come!

Yeah, bye for now
Queen all ways, Lucy

It's a Dog do Dog World.

posted Mar 16, 2011, 7:49 AM by Lucy Lue

Hello Fellow Biatches.

Queen Lucy here.  Of late I have been, being visited by another suitor.  He is of the same ethic group as I this time. I usually go for the foreign males, but this time, maybe I might go vanilla. Maybe. Not sure if he is my type, but he is persistent.  For the last four nights he has come over and shared in my food and run amok with me.  The only downside is I have to chase him off after he has piddle too much on me and My Stupid Monkey then pours the water over me.  The good bit is that My Stupid Monkey does give me a good rub down with one of my towels.

Anyway, so far I have managed to sneak 5 knives, 4 forks and two plates. Just have to start on the bowls next. I hid the plates just to f*ck with My Monkey! I mean, really! What use do I have for plates! Ha Ha Ha Ha, he is going nuts trying to find them. This amuses me....

Till next time

Google Looses Blog Entries. Stop. Typed in again. Stop.

posted Feb 23, 2011, 2:08 PM by Lucy Lue   [ updated Feb 23, 2011, 2:27 PM ]

Hey Dogs!

This stupid site has lost my last two or three blogs.  I hope the heck that no monkeys are messing with my webs.

So, this is the latest guff from your Queen Lucy.  I have been well, though My Monkey didn't want to go walkies for a whole week.  Dragged his sorry arse out eventually.  Not much happening of late.  Had a visitor for a week, another monkey called "Jarsand", well it sounds like that anyway.  "Jarsand" used to share the old, old cave with me and My Monkey, many, many moons ago.  He came to visit for food and sheltering in our cave, and to see me of course!  He doesn't play a lot like other monkeys, but he does give a good back scratch.

Been a bit hard to update lately.  My Monkey has given my Notebook to his monkey sister to use.  Now I am stuck with this farging Mini-me Computer to use.  How the stupid My Monkey uses it I will never know, the screen is no bigger than a book, the keyboards I have to poke with a stick to use ands I can't put my iBone into it!  Though it is easy to carry in my mouth.

Met a new hot, young and tiny male the other day.  He fully submitted to my rule! That is so hot when the inferior male bows down to me.  So far I have met him four times, when I am dragging my lard arse monkey out  for walkies.

This all I have for now.
More stuff next time and maybe something new.

Lucy Lue Wilson

A Very Merry Dogmass..

posted Dec 23, 2010, 10:25 PM by Lucy Lue   [ updated Dec 24, 2010, 6:04 PM ]

Gather Ye Around,

For a tail of Dogmass...

"Twas the night before Dogmass and nothing was stirring, not even a cat", I ate that.
"All were in bed and I in a hat" russell, russell.
"Monkeys were sleeping, no doorbells were beeping" scamper.
"I was fat, for I ate a cat" russell russell.

"Now the clock struck 12" 
"all were dead to the world"
"and up in the air, Doggieclaws took flight."
"Bringing bones and kibble to all good beings, that night, Doggieclaws in his Red Suit was such a great sight." Scamper, scrap, RUSSELL RUSSELL.

"On Pringles, On Biatches, On Dashound, On Stiches", russell, scamper, scratch scratch.
"On Smackos, On Fleas, On Spot, On Twitches"
"Fly on, so we may deliver presents to all My Bitches"

"And On and On, through all the night, did Doggieclaws fly his Sleigh with great delight" scratch scratch, scamper.....
Some one kill that f*%king mouse all ready. So wish I hadn't eaten that cat now. Anyhow, back to the story....

"Doggiesclaws is reading his list, he is checking it twice. He wants to make sure, all have been good and all have been nice"

"On Pringles, On Biatches, On Dashound, On Stiches"
"On Smackos, On Fleas, On Spot, On Twitches"
"Fly higher, fly faster, fly harder, fly quicker"
"We must deliver, we must not differ, before the prices change, from the retail sticker"

"Oh fly did Doggieclaws, oh fly did he"
"For many presents to deliver before morning, must be done"
"Otherwise the contract will go to FedEx, the scum!"

"Doggieclaws and Sleigh, Doggieclaws and Presents, Doggieclaws and Sleigh Dogs, did travel the heavens"
 now we come to your abode...

"A WooF! A Bark! A THUD on the roof, the Sleigh did park"
"A scamper, not mouse, a Doggieclaws did enter the house"

"Down chimney came he, with sack and fleas"
"With presents and lice"
"All covered in ice"
"For all that were good, a present did they get"
"For all that were bad, a big resounding double overdraft of debt"

"Taking the milk, and taking cookies, Doggieclaws left like a red clad Wookie"
"To One, To All, Too Many! I bring you all joy and little comfort if any"
"For in presents, the joy, only lasts till exchanged for some pennies"

"Doggieclaws has left the building"

"So up into the sky, did Doggieclaws and his Sleight take flight"
"For return, he must, to take back the rental that night"

"Goodnight to My Bitches, Goodnight to my many"
"A Merry Dogmass to all, and many happy endings"

"For now we will leave the tail here"
"To finish it off, with some Dogmass Cheer"

"Merry Dogmass to all, To all a Good Night"
"I'm out, I'm gone, I am off to get Beer"

"And with that, He took flight"


To All My Biatches and Monkeys.
A Very, Merry Dogmass.

The Dogs of Bore..

posted Dec 20, 2010, 8:47 AM by Lucy Lue

Hello and Sit!

"Good Monkey. Now stay. Stay...STAY. Good boy!"

"Who's a good boy then!"  "Who's a good boy then!"  

Now I can start talking at you. You will be able to read this if you use Doogle Translation. Just mash the keyboard with those pudgy finger things of yours.  You'll get it....

To begin.  I was taking My Monkey for walkies tonight, "I SAID STAY!" to continue...... and when we gets near the Lucy Cave, there appeared in my street, a bloody big rude German Shepard.  Dog Damit!  It was that biatch that swears at me all the time, when ever I prance past it's place.  

This time I was not going to let things slide.  This time I was going to teach that mongrel a lesson, a lesson that would stick!

So, monkey in tow, I round the corner, head at the dumb arse dog and grab that biatches throat in my mouth.  I gives that dumb dog a good bite, I shake hard, you know, to snap it's stupid neck and the bloody thing gets away. I mean, what?  How the flying fick did that thing's throat get out of my mouth?  I tell you, it has got be it had a fat neck.  That has got to be it.  There is no way a stupid male excuse for a dog could ever get the better of your Queen Lucy.

Anywhoooo, the dumb dog scrams, and My Monkey comes running up and cups his bony finger things below my chin and squawks something at me that sounds like "NO".  He squawks this at me several times, just in case in his mind, I don't understand.  What ever he was on about I will never know.  Who know's what is going through their tiny little minds sometimes.

Well, the dumb German Shepard is gone, My Monkey has crossed the road (yeah, just like the chicken) and we are on our way home.  Overall, a not to bad ending to the night.

Chow for now Biatches!
Queen Lucy

From Sun Rise to Moon Rise.

posted Nov 24, 2010, 12:45 PM by Lucy Lue

Hello Dogs.

From Sun Rise to Moon Rise, is how long My Monkey slept for.  For 14 Big Hands he slept.  It's not hibernation weather, wtf is going on?  I knew Monkeys were lazy, lazy animals, but, My Monkey takes the cake. And he is too lazy to even eat that!

Being stuck inside with a snoring, drooling, smelly My Monkey is no fun I tell you.  I mean, really!  Stuck inside sleeping, when I could be outside sleeping.  Just what was he thinking?

Anyway, about a month back, My Monkey and I were out walking in the early times of the night day, when a Stupid Monkey whom was across the way, down another road, grunted and ran towards us.  My Monkey just kept walking, I don't think that he knew the Stupid Monkey.

So, the Stupid Monkey starts to run up behind My Monkey and My Monkey hears this Stupid Monkey and My Monkey raises his hands up slightly in front of himself, without the other monkey seeing this happen.  Just as this occurs, the Stupid Monkey sees me, as I face towards My Monkey and I stare him down.  As soon as he sees me, he stops running up behind My Monkey and heads off at right angles to us.

I stared down that Stupid Monkey.  The sound of surprise grunt from the Stupid Monkey as he saw me was hilarious!  That Stupid Monkey did't see me walking infront of My Monkey as he ran at him.  I was going to rip him a new one, pity he ran off.

Thats all for now,
See Ya My Dogs

The Long Hello.

posted Nov 18, 2010, 4:04 PM by Lucy Lue


I know it has been a long time.  For that, I blame My Monkey, My Stupid, Stupid Monkey.

He locked the notebook away and changed the password on the main puter.  If it was not for pee-mail and my iBone (tm), then I would be totally cut off from my biatches, and stupid males. 

So in the words of the Glittery Man, "I'm back, I'm back, did ya miss me?"

Now he has a Lillyput Puter Notebook, Netbook for short, I can spread my word!  You can hear again from the One True Dog.

I your Queen, Lucy, will catch you up very, very soon, in the next few suns, on all of my adventures and goings ons, and offs.  I will tell of the stupid monkey that I scared away one dark night, no bat man.  I will regale you about my many admiring monkeys and of all the jealous dogs and scaredy cats.

For now my paws are sore and tired from all the digging.


Monkey Bone....

posted Aug 29, 2010, 12:22 AM by Lucy Lue


That Stupid Monkey, My Stupid Monkey, has not taken me on an outing in three fragin days!  He either better cough up some bones or some walkies soon or I is going to rip him a new one. Double time!!

I don'ts cares da he is "the sicks", I NEED OUT! NOW!! please.........


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